Tag Archives: Goals

What do you really want?

*We are almost six months into 2014. Where are you with your goals? I have to take George Clooney off my bucket list- at this writing he has broken out of his box and gotten himself engaged.

I am moving along in creating new business opportunities. I have settled into a new state, new town and a whole new way of living. 2014 is a change from last year, a bit unsettling, exciting and brimming with possibility. Change can do you good. What are you up to in 2014?
Circles: Where are we going?

*Updated from 2012

I bet, if you are like me, you have been thinking about goals for the start of 2012. Each year begins the annual ritual of anticipated success, ending with broken promises and shattered dreams. OK, maybe some goals are actually achieved, but for many of us we look back on a littered highway of unmet expectations.

Coming into this current year I wanted to approach the planning part a little differently. First of all, I didn’t torment myself with starting off the year all glittery and made up to look like my perfect self. I wanted to reach in deep and create goals based on my true needs and feelings.

In the past I would create goals based on a good idea. A goal might have been “have a job that pays me 50,000 a year” and then I’d go look for “a job” that fit that criteria without much thought to what I might like to do. The result has been work that stressed me out and didn’t end well.

However, what if I looked at work as a way to fulfill my feeling and needs? Looking back at what worked and didn’t I can begin to identify what might suit me better.

I want work to satisfy my need for security (money, health care, structure), or ownership of a project or my work. Some additional needs I may want fulfilled through my work:

Presence, Discovery, Exploration, Learning, Making sense of life, Shared consciousness, Excitement, Safety, Self-Care, Shelter, Sustainability, Competence, Consciousness, Contribution, Creativity, Collaboration, Communication, Community, Choice, Freedom, Independence, Inner power.

It would seem like there are lot of them here, but remember work fills many needs, I don’t want to neglect them for the sake of brevity. I want to honor my needs so that when the end of the day comes I am not resentful but filled up and happy. Also included in the list will be feelings:

Dazzled, Energetic, Encouraged, Quiet, Confident, Enthusiastic, Optimistic, Open, Invigorated, Inspired, Satisfied, Proud, Lively, Amazed, Safe, Passionate, Awed, Engaged, Vibrant, Joyful, Refreshed, Absorbed, Amused, Enlivened.

Once I have identified my needs and feelings I can more clearly clarify what kind of job or goal would fulfill my needs and wants. Applying this strategy to different areas of my life I create goals that I am more eager to achieve and can set actions around them to further meet my needs. Want to discover your own feelings and needs? Melissa Zwanger, MA, MBA, Leadership Specialist for Visionaries, has created a wonderful document for you. Here is the link to determine your own needs and feelings.

Below I posted a tip from Rich Goodfriend about how to strategize when setting an action, goal or intention. Using this technique around any action I might take really helps me identify whether it will bring value to my life, instead of unconsciously saying yes and being dissatisfied as a result.

Sample tip from Rick Goodfriend, Founder – World Empathy Day (WEday)
http://www.walkyourtalk.org

The Tip: For this week as you start to do an action, ask yourself, “Does this really meet my needs or values?
This is a strategy to make sure your actions will meet your needs.

Example: Action: I want to take a trip to a National Park.

Need Met: Relaxation, Beauty of Nature

Self Discussion:

The drive is 4 hours- It is longer than I want yet if I take it slow and stop on the way it may be more relaxing. I enjoy driving. Need Met
I would like a change of scenery. This trip will definitely would do that.
Is there any other strategy that may work better? Not really at this time.

I now feel confident that this strategy will meet my needs and more. Try this exercise and see if it is more effective to meeting your needs and bring more ease to your living and relationships.

There is value in setting your 2012 goals to really meet your needs and honor your feelings. Goals become juicy and vibrant and more exciting. You want to jump up in the morning to meet your needs and get things done. Go ahead give it a try. And December 2012 tell me what you accomplish. I am confident you will feel better about life.

Share

7 steps to deal with ENVY

A month ago I attended the re-Set Business forum.  One of the panelists was Michael Eisner of the Walt Disney Company offering up his ideas about business, success and excellence. He spoke about the things that could prevent you from achieving your goals.  Eisner mentioned how was how envy was a destructive force in your life. He went onto say experiencing envy was a good cause for reflection.

But, what is envy? According to dictionary.com,

Envy denotes a longing to possess something awarded to or achieved by another: to feel envy when a friend inherits a fortune.

You know the feeling. You and a co-worker have been working hard all year, but he is the one that gets the end of the year award. Where is your prize?

Or, for the last six months you have been trying to get a job interview at a company you love only to discover, after just a month of job hunting, a friend has been hired at that same company.

You attend a party and another friend always has a crowd of people around them while you stand alone.

You begin to feel that warm feeling inside your chest. Its not a fuzzy or fun feeling. You begin to lick your lips and wonder, “why not me?”. What is wrong with ME? Why do THEY get everything while I’m still in the same place?

Envy. It can creep up on you or fill you up so fast that it takes your breath away. Michael Eisner is right, if you don’t follow the feeling it can lodge in your body and spirit like a tumor growing in it darkness and intensity. Envy conceived as a sin would have you wish that the receivers of the things you covet would experience a downfall or be deprived in some way. This is the dark side of envy- crafting the demise of another.

Is there a bright side? As with all sins/negative feelings they point to a place in you that needs some work. OK, that sucks, but isn’t it better you realize that, then loosen the wheel of the car of your rival? What can be done?

1. Acknowledge envy. The first step in any recovery plan is acknowledging it.

2. Pinpoint the feeling. “I am feeling envious because Susie was promoted and I thought I should had the job”.

3. Face the truth. Susie got the promotion. Maybe it was deserved, or, not. Nonetheless, she has it and you are stuck in the windowless cubicle while Susie moves into the new, but, tiny office with windows.

4. Be a bigger person. You want something and someone else got it. You can badmouth them, not a good idea, or you can walk up to them and give them a heartfelt congratulations.  People are attracted to attractive people. If you are a crank, you better be a damn good productive one, or you will be in cubicle hell for life.

5. Face another truth. Maybe you suck. OK. Too harsh? Face the fact the someone else just did better work, played office politics with skill, or in general, took extra steps to get the job done. Spend some time and evaluate what you did in relation to what the person received. Yes, there are people for whom the sun always shine, angels sing when they walk by and skies are blue. Generally, there is the hard truth to face, they did more. You may have become myopic in your view of the kind of work you were putting in. Or you are doing the same thing over and over.

6. Did you want it? I find I am feeling envious for another’s good fortune when in truth I was not interested in it. There are times, I must admit, I don’t want someone to win until I have. Do you really want what you want? Or, are you just becoming a greedy bastard? Be clear on what you want in life. Do your best to go after it and leave no dead bodies in your wake.

7. Be smarter. Be kinder. Be an attraction magnet by operating at your highest level of being (whatever that is). Make wise choices about what you want in life and realize there is a lot to go around.

How do you deal with envy?


Please help with a book project for a client by filling out this survey.

What is death? http://bit.ly/9K3JQr

Share